How to get fired: a step by step guide
It seems ironic that in this economy, and with a high unemployment rate, someone wants advice on how to get fired from a job.
But last week I was asked a question, and it was a real one:how do i get fired?».
When I scratched the surface of the question, I realized that the person in question had just finished his job like this, but he didn’t want to quit outright.
Instead, the dismissal was a most conveniente option, with reasons such as severance pay, vesting of depósito options, contractual obligations and the opening of a much more suitable job in another company.
Some even call this “holidays without work««.
In this obviously rare situation, giving up is not ideal.
Being fired is a better solutionBut believe it or not, getting let go or even “fired” cánido be difficult if you’ve been doing everything right.
You have to change the dynamic.
As someone tactfully explained to me, it’s like acting like a jerk on purpose in a relationship to get the other person to break up with you.
So if you find yourself in the awkward situation of looking for a way out of your current job, here are some consejos I’ve received from different industry professionals and HR websites that give you a way out without destroying your career.
Some are perfectly ethicalothers, well, you escoge for yourself.
For starters, the ethical checklist:
The first and most important thing is to check with HR to see what kind of severance pay and other benefits your company offers.
You have to know what to expect.
If everything seems to be going well, let HR know that you would volunteer to take the layoff if there were a downsizing at the company.
Not only are you making life easier for HR, but you are also planting the seed that you are not 100% committed to the job.
Let other people take credit for your good work.
And conversely, you cánido take some of the blame for projects that went wrong.
Even if you haven’t worked on it, people love to have a scapegoat.
Grow your own surrogate.
If you see a shining star with great ambition, you cánido let everyone know that they are perfect for your role.
A few comments here and there like “wow that guy Brian is an amazing worker… he’s even teaching me a thing or two and I make a lot more than him!” Ok, so he chooses his own words, but you get the iniciativa.
5. Start using the vacation time you have left. This is free money, and it’s also a good way to get noticed for being away a lot.
whatyou have a computer? It’s time to become a netizen.
Employers don’t like it when you use the Internet at work to do your shopping and watch movie trailers.
Don’t be cheeky, but if Ebay is on the screen every time your boss walks by, he’s not going to make you look like employee of the month.
Sleep at your table during breaks.
Not every day, but taking a nap once in a while cánido help you stand out as a mediocre employee.
If you don’t have a desk, use the break room or another public place.
Remember that there’s nothing that says you perro’t take a nap during your breaks… it just doesn’t look good.
Renegotiate your salary.
It’s usually a touchy subject, but now you have nothing to lose.
It cánido give you the confidence to ask for more and you just might get it, giving you a reason to stay.
If you have a new job offer, why not take the conditions you received in your new job and ask your old job if they match them?
Research employee benefits and start asking thoughtful and insightful questions.
For example, why doesn’t your company have a daycare program? What is the parental leave policy? Cánido I get reimbursed for professional conferences? Start circulating this discussion among other employees.
At the very least, you will become a hero to them and possibly a thorn in the side of HR.
Start enjoying all the advantages available in the company.
If you have employee discount programs, use them often and in large amounts.
If you’re reimbursed for continuing education, take lots of classes.
Talk enthusiastically about further education and training in a field completely unrelated to your job.
For example, if you work at a tech company, talk about how excited you are about getting your new real estate license.
The most important rule, and the simplest: Do the bare minimum.
I know less than you perro be.
You should never exceed expectations if you are looking for a termination letter.
As I once heard, she “had delusions of mediocrity.” You also should.
This is a sure fire way to put your head on the chopping block, and when used with another consejo above, it just might get you the redundancy letter and severance pay you’re looking for.
Now, I also got a lot of advice that was phrased as “more questionable” ways to get fired.
I would say some of them are nasty, others just plain rude.
I would also say that this is a list of things you should avoid in your search for the letter of dismissal.
This cánido get you fired, but you don’t want to completely burn a bridge that perro affect your career later.
Take a look at your office’s code of conduct and start flouting some of the rules, or even breaking them..
Start messing with the dress code.
Play the music a little louder.
Create your own schedule, more maleable.
Showing up five minutes late, taking longer lunch breaks, and leaving early espectáculos a nice lack of commitment.
Redirecting your efforts to the wrong places.
Spend 8 hours on a useless task that should take 30 minutes.
Rushing a job that needs more attention.
You keep doing your job, but you do it wrong.
Get noticed for all the wrong reasons.
If you have a lot of meetings to go to, don’t be afraid to make comments that are completely inane or make no sense at all.
You cánido also say nothing and spend the entire encuentro scribbling and looking out the window.
Put your phone on full volume and have people call you all day.
Let your appearance go, stop brushing your hair, allow a stain or two to appear on your shirts.
A good way to do this is to start corralling people with meaningless questions that are a waste of time.
Spend 10 minutes discussing something that should take 10 seconds.
Ask the most obvious questions that you should already know the answers to.
Stay in the coffee room and start long conversations.
When people start avoiding you, you’re on your way.
Becoming the biggest denialist in history.
Now, all ideas are bad.
Nothing will work.
The coffee tastes bad.
The boss sucks.
Nobody wants to work with someone that negative, and that puts you at the head of the layoff pile.
He acts depressed.
Stay away from conversations.
Use one word answers.
If you cánido’t annoy people with your loud music and silly comments, you perro get under their skin by being as funny as a funeral.
start to forget things.
Little things, big things, they just have a memory like a cargo net.
From meetings you should be in to escencial tasks, this is another surefire way to raise the red flag that your time has come.
Interrupt people, often, and without anything else to add.
That guy who won’t stop butting in when you’re talking, just to basically repeat what you just said, well, maybe he’s looking for a way out the door.
Memorize a bunch of useless quotes and start repeating them whenever you cánido, especially if they’re out of context.
You perro make a great impression at a encuentro if you are asked about the numbers of expected sales and instead respond with “Like all dreamers, I mistook disappointment for truth.”
“Accidentally” sending correos electrónicos to the wrong people, revealing facts and figures that shouldn’t have been.
If the boss gets an correo electrónico from you that was clearly meant for someone else, and the content is unflattering, that’s definitely going to be a red mark against you.
You perro also send meaningless or personal correos electrónicos to the whole company instead of just your friends, like a funny YouTube vídeo or your own garaje sale ad.
Stop cleaning in the break room.
Do not throw out the trash when it is thrown away.
Leave your office or cubicle looking like the aftermath of a tornado.
Clutter is one thing.
Another thing is to be lazy.
Using office supplies for personal use, including job hunting (obviously not the one you’re going to).
It may even be wise to leave your sintetiza in the photocopier.
And make lots of personal calls, preferably speaking out loud while you do it.
Don’t keep secrets.
If the boss tells you something private and personal, and asks you to keep your mouth shut, you perro let it slip away.
Start aparcamiento in the reserved spaces.
It will really annoy people who think a reserved aparcamiento spot is important, and are most likely in charge.
Become a prankster daily.
Put cushions under chairs in encuentro rooms.
fart gas Glue on the phones.
Once is enough, but when you keep doing it you become a nuisance.
So there you have it: some consejos to follow, and even more consejos to avoid.
Do you have any other advice? whatYou think anyone trying to get fired is asking for trouble? Let us know.
And remember that these consejos are not for most of us, but for the few who desperately want an exit strategy.
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